When you've been with the same person for a while, things can get kind of boring. Many people, when asked how to spice things up, can only thing of a few variations: lights on/off, under the covers/on top of the covers, moving to the kitchen instead of the bedroom.
But there's a whole lot more you can do to turn the heat back up in your bedroom. All you have to do is be open minded and willing to experiment. A few ideas:

1. Read some erotica. Well, duh! I write it; did you really think it wouldn't be my first suggestion? ;) Pick up some erotica, whether it's a longer book with a great mainstream plot, or a short story that's all about the sex, and check it out. Check it out alone, to get yourself going before you approach your partner, or read it together to get things steamy.
2. Watch a little porn. Yes, I know. Women are going to read that and think I'm nuts. They're going to want to know how I could possibly suggest it. But I am. I'm not saying you should go out and watch the most hardcore stuff you can find; but check out some soft porn, the stuff that's more lovey-dovey than in your face. Google "porn for women" to find some stuff like that - but make sure that you use caution in the sites you choose to use for this.
3. Step outside your fantasy comfort zone. We all have fantasies. They vary from person to person, but most of us tend to have a small collection of fantasies that we reuse over and over again, only changing out the faces or locations. Step outside the comfort zone, though, and see what happens. Fantasize about a threesome, or just you and another woman (if you're a woman). Imagine sex in a public place, or with a stranger, or whatever you wouldn't normally fantasize about because it just doesn't seem like something you would do. The whole point of a fantasy is that it's not real, and never has to be real. Because you don't have to act it out, you can feel free to let your sexual imagination run wild and go wherever it wishes to go. Let those ideas that you've shoved away because they're just not 'you' come to the surface and indulge. You'd be surprised how hot you can get for your spouse when you imagine your deepest, darkest fantasies.
4. Be a little daring. You know that fantasy you have of having sex in a public place? Why not do it? I'm not suggesting you have sex in a Wal-Mart parking lot or go down on your man in the movie theater, but be creative. You want sex in public, so maybe sex in your backyard in the middle of the night would work. You have a fantasy of sex with a stranger, so why don't you and your partner dress up and meet in a local bar. Pretend to be different people and let him pick you up.

Think outside the box to keep things spicy. And if you're feeling stuck in a rut, talk to your partner. If you're in a rut, it's because the two of you let it happen, and it's going to take the two of you to pull yourselves out of it. Talk to each other, discuss what you'd like to change and how you think that can be accomplished. See what happens; I bet you'll be amazed - and a little sweaty!  

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    I'm a writer of erotica - so far, just short stories, but I hope to eventually write a full length erotic novel. I will post my random musings here.


    March 2013
    February 2013